5 Leadership Myths Undermining Your Effectiveness

Are these leadership myths hobbling your effectiveness? Marlene Chism brings a dose of reality and some handy ways to reframe the situation.

Leadership isn’t just about making decisions or driving performance — it’s about how you show up under pressure, how you communicate under stress, and how you navigate through uncertainty. The higher you rise in leadership, the greater the pull toward certainty, control, and force of will.

Effective and enlightened leaders don’t double down on outdated beliefs. They evolve. Here are five common leadership myths worth rethinking if you want to reduce friction, increase alignment and communicate with more impact.

1. Myth: It’s all about you.

Most of us overestimate the extent to which others pay attention to us. We think we’re the main character in other people’s play. We worry about their opinions, especially when we make a mistake or do something embarrassing. Preoccupation with self is called the spotlight effect.

Reality: You’re not the main character in anyone else’s story. It’s easy to take resistance, disengagement, or complaints personally, especially when you care deeply about the work, but most of the time, people aren’t reacting to you. They’re reacting to uncertainty, change fatigue, unspoken fears, or past experiences. When you over-personalize, you become reactive and ego driven.

Leadership reframe: Spend less time focusing on yourself. Don’t take other people’s behavior so personally. Question your narrative when you get offended. For example, if someone’s behavior seems irrational or challenging, get curious instead of defensive. Check in with them if you need to, but don’t fall victim to a narrative that makes you the hero or villain.

2. Myth: A strong leader is a certain leader

When you think you know someone’s intentions, watch out. You’re being controlled by your narrative, which makes you believe everything you think. A red flag is a statement like, “They just don’t care,” or “She did that on purpose.” That’s not certainty, it’s a mismanaged mind.

Reality: Curiosity creates better outcomes than certainty. Certainty feels powerful, but it often shuts down new possibilities and kills innovation. Research suggests that we need more leaders who know how to deal with uncertainty. It can signal that you’re not open to feedback, that the conversation is already over, or that there’s only one right way forward. Curiosity, on the other hand, invites dialogue, builds trust, and leads to better decisions.

Leadership reframe: Certainty calms anxiety, but curiosity expands capacity. Ask more questions. Say, “Help me understand your thinking.” The moment you question your narrative and have the awareness to trade being right for being effective, everything changes.

3. Myth: A leader’s job is to fix the problem.

It’s human nature to focus first on the problem, but the more you focus on the problem, the bigger the problem becomes. Until you understand the situation and the desired result, you’ll stay stuck in problem mode. The real leverage comes from focusing on the result you want to create.

Reality: A leader’s job is to shift focus to the outcome. If leadership is about anything, it’s about alignment, and alignment is focusing energy. Be intentional about where you put your focus.

Leadership reframe: Instead of asking, “What’s the problem here?” Use my three-part formula: What’s the situation, what’s the desired outcome and what’s the obstacle? The problem is the last part of the question, not the first part. When you use this formula, you’ll make progress quicker.

4. Myth: If it’s their job, it’s not your problem.

The fastest way to promote a culture of avoidance is to believe that if it’s not your job, it’s not your responsibility.

Reality: It’s their job — and your responsibility. Delegation doesn’t mean detachment. Stop worry about being called a micromanager. A light hand’s on, with scheduled communication to measure results, is what accountability is all about.

Leadership reframe: Your team’s success reflects your clarity, your coaching, and your willingness to confront what’s not working. If you want high performance, don’t just assign the task — own the environment.

5. Myth: Communication is just soft skills

Communications training is often reduced to a “soft skill,” a nice-to-have, but not a requirement for leading. Yet, numerous times when people reach out to me, they have already diagnosed their escalated conflicts as a “communication problem.” You can’t have it both ways.

Reality: What’s being diagnosed as a communication problem is often the avoidance of conflict; a conversation that should have happened but didn’t.

Leadership reframe: Communication skills and conflict management are related, but not interchangeable. You can be an articulate speaker, a great listener, or a compelling storyteller — and still fail in conflict because your style (avoidance, appeasement, or aggression) sabotages resolution.

Communication isn’t a soft skill — it’s a force multiplier. In conflict, it becomes either your greatest asset or your biggest blind spot.

Written by: Marlene Chism, consultant, speaker and author, for SmartBrief.